Parents of teenagers often find themselves in a battle to get on the computer in the early evening hours (ostensibly when their kids are supposed to be doing their homework). What they often find, in fact, is that children are instant messaging their friends, often “talking” to half a dozen or more at the same time. After instant messaging their friends, they need to check their MySpace or FaceBook page, and those of their many “friends.” In between their stints on the computer (when you finally get your chance), they have taken out their cell phones and are text messaging their “best friends,” using a language that is unknown to much of the adult population.
Here’s the good news. Kids are talking to their friends, engaging in a larger social network, and, hopefully, supporting these cyber-based connections with real face-to-face communication and interaction. Believe it or not, they are also practicing their language skills, as instant messaging and texting both have very distinctive sets of rules of spelling, communication, and meaning.
How is a parent to set limits on his/her child’s communication with others? By the way, we probably should include that old fashioned method of communication, the landline-based telephone, into the discussion, as well. Here are a couple of suggestions that fit pretty much with my concept of what LearningWorks calls a “play diet.” Essentially, take care of your basic educational and psychosocail needs (in this case, a healthy combination of school, chores, physical activity, and face-to-face social interaction), prove you can be responsible with this, and then you’re on your own. I would suggest that this strategy applies to mid-adolescents and up.
Other strategies can certainly be useful in restricting the overall amount of time spent in these activities. For example, I strongly discourage the practice of children having televisions, computers, or video games in their bedrooms. This allows parental observation of your child’s screen time. Secondly, prioritize computer use so that if the parent has business to do on the computer and a child is simply talking to his/her friends, he/she understands that he/she will be asked to and expected to get off immediately.
In many homes now, there is more than one computer, so this does not become an issue. Restrictions on time to get off the computer can certainly be helpful. Just as in many homes phone calls are discouraged after 9 p.m., a similar type of strategy can be used for instant and text messaging. Finances can also play a role. Rather than paying for unlimited texting for your child’s cell phone, have a moderate limit (to those of you who don’t text, this will not appear to be modest) of 250 texts per month. Any overage is paid for by the child, which it gets expensive.
There are a number of benefits to children’s modern communications. It is far easier for them to check on homework that they may not understand or to make plans for activities with their peers. It may help initiate friendships that might not otherwise have an opportunity to flourish, and it simply allows friends to keep in touch with each other better. All in all, be happy if your kids are communicating. Try to get in on it by texting or IMing them, maybe even to remind them that they have homework to do!
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